i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
