we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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