talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
