Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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