hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
