Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
