Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
