Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
