Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
