im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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