I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
