I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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