theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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