but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
