Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
