Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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