Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
