i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
