I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
