seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
