I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i dont even know how to be here
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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