I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude. I can hear the air.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
