Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
