Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
