when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
