Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
