I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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