my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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