i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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