i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So. Much. Porn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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