My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
