I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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