so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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