dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
