Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
