I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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