would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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