So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
