Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
