I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
