smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
