Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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