Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
