I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
