So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
