I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
