i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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