THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
