Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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