Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
