I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pappa wants mamma naked
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
