Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
