Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
