Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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