the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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